Cabin Fever in Melbourne Lockdown

Sunday night, I sat swearing at the News. I didn't care about Trump. I didn't care about Australian politicians having intimate relationships–seriously, who does? All I wanted to see was news that we Melbournians can be released from our stage four lockdown prisons. When that news didn't arrive my resilience began to plummet.

The next day, I was so distracted that I accidentally brushed my teeth with the grout-cleaning toothbrush. Although I went on to have a productive day, anxiety snapped at my heels like a feral dog. I was bitching and moaning about every little thing. It wore me down.

By Tuesday, I knew as soon as I opened my eyes that it wasn't going to be a good day. Time slowed down so that one hour felt like four. Everything annoyed me. Activities which I happily enjoyed over the past week suddenly held no interest for me. I didn't want to play piano. I didn't want to go for a walk. I didn't want to do yoga or dance. I didn't even want to heat up left-overs for dinner. This day called for take-away food. I needed a greasy burger and salty fries. Mmmmm! I reckon comfort food is so often take-away because someone else cooks it. And there're no dishes to wash. 

"Energy rises and falls."

As someone who often measures success by output, an off-day can be hard to take. As a middle-aged woman yet to peak, an off-day can seem like a waste of precious time. But I'm also aware of the fluctuating cycle of human emotional energy. It's why I created the principle: energy rises and falls. 

So I rested thoroughly. I rested on the couch with a book. Then I rested in bed with a heat-pack. I rested again on the couch for the rest of the day. I watched TV and only got up to drive to get take-away. Through the use of the phrase: energy rises and falls, I have learned to remain conscious of the cycle of energy that waxes and wanes through our days. It means that whatever goes up will go down. And whatever goes down will go up. It means no matter where you are today in an emotional sense—it will change. 

As I begin writing this blog it's Wednesday. Today I knew as soon as I opened my eyes that my good energy had returned. I only had a single down day. I feel excited to be back doing the things that bored me yesterday: reading, writing, playing piano, yoga, maybe a dance. 

But I also know that I'm still in lockdown. On some level I am keeping my energy restrained. It's like an enforced depression. A deep rest. A cave dive. I can also feel something angry and rattly and wild shuddering within me. A caged animal stalks and paces and growls in my gut. This wildish self wants to kick at the cage, scream at my captors, break free and run. It's natural. I'm not sure the politicians respect that we humans have a limit. I can feel the rumble of people's discontent. Melbournians won't take much more of this.

As I write the final paragraphs of this post, it's the weekend again. I want to grasp at hope and believe that tomorrow night the restrictions of stage four lockdown will be loosened. Multiple projects are fat with energy and I'm ready to pounce forward in many areas of my life. But I'm also pragmatically prepared for another week of lockdown. Staying home can be habit-forming and I'm fairly well adapted to it. I got this!

Thanks for reading my personal update. This blog post is the second post I've written in a more personal style. If I narrow the distance between myself and my readers it will be easier to release my memoir in the near future. I already have a topic to explore next week: Fulfilling the empty nest. 

Leanne Margaret © 2020

P.S. If you want to know more about The Principles of Loving Living Energy please click the books tab.


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