Leanne Margaret

Sunday night, I sat swearing at the News. I didn't care about Trump. I didn't care about Australian politicians having intimate relationships–seriously, who does? All I wanted to see was news that we Melbournians can be released from our stage four lockdown prisons. When that news didn't arrive my resilience began to plummet. The next day, I was so distracted that I accidentally brushed my teeth with the grout-cleaning toothbrush. Although I went on to have a productive day, anxiety snapped at my heels like a feral dog. I was bitching and moaning about every little thing. It wore me down. By Tuesday, I knew as soon as I opened my eyes that it wasn't going to be a good day. Time slowed down so that one hour felt like four. Everything annoyed me. Activities which I happily enjoyed over the past week suddenly held no interest for me. I didn't want to play piano. I didn't want to go for a walk. I didn't want to do yoga or dance. I didn't even want to heat up

If you've read either of my personal development books you'll know there's a story behind them. There's a reason I spent years exploring the human energy field and how it relates to self-care, and recovery from trauma. I needed to do this because I was in the grips of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  It wasn't the first time I had battled the dragon of mental illness. I was twenty-four years old when diagnosed with Post-Natal Depression (PND). My baby and I went off to hospital for several weeks while I learned skills in parenting an infant and setting up good routines. I also began learning about self-care. But there were large gaps in my self-awareness and I was still regularly plagued with flashbacks from earlier experiences in my life. I was so used to them that I was no longer conscious of the effect they were having on me, and my relationships. I was both terrified of people, and of being alone.  By the time I was thirty-eight these unhealed wounds had