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Showing posts with the label healing

Poem: The Dissolution of the Dance

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Music warmed my heart from birth Born half-sized, and boxed. I heard it play, maybe a nurse And to its beat I rocked. It held me earthed until the time Someone came to claim me. Soothed to sleep by song and rhyme I rocked out where they laid me. Quickened by the radio I learnt to dance alone. Moving in staccato I felt myself at home. Music was a blanket Dancing was a hug. When I could make a racket It made my heart thud. I danced with belly dancers Then I learnt to teach. I leapt all night with ravers The goals I set were reached. Dancing was my joy The beating of my heart. My soul’s ecstatic toy My vocation and my art. But now I halt – with trepidation Aches, and grabs, and bites. Patella, in disintegration A new knee-cap in sight. The dancer flops upon the edge Of cavernous despair. In the next life , is her pledge While writer holds her by her hair. Change is how things come to be It breaks us into parts. And in my soul I’ve always known The word would be my art. My restless, pacing

Memoir, Voice, and Knowing Thyself.

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I must pause a moment, from editing my memoir, to reflect on the art of memoir itself. I'm in the fourth year of active focus on my memoir. But of course, fragments of it have existed for many more years than that. I wrote, had professionally edited, and self-published, my first two books in the space of five years; yet the third book has dawdled. At times, I didn't touch it for months. I wonder why it's dragged its feet so much? When I ponder this question, I find myself looking at the self-reflection aspect of memoir. Not just that; it's the articulation of self into an organised line. For that to occur, a clear concept of self must be attained.  My sense of self was fragmented by trauma; which means that in order to finish the memoir, I needed to heal.  Coupled with that, for eight years, my home life was plagued with triggers that stole countless writing days from me. During this time I was also teaching dance, which – although it funded my writing education – was m

The Writing Returns

Could this be the first rays of motivating light warming my typing hands? Is it over yet? The loss of belief; the feeling I may never write again; avoidance, even repulsion towards the idea of sitting at my computer; closing the study door so I don't have to look at my computer. Is it over yet? I think so. My feet are resting on a new footrest, given to me by my daughter for my fiftieth birthday. The office chair is wrapping around me like the hug of an old friend. The computer, asleep for weeks, came instantly to life—as if time had stood still.  But time doesn't stand still, and as my fiftieth year of living this life begins, it feels like I should hurry up a bit. Although it's normal for Capricorns to peak late, I still don't feel as though I have time to waste. I have so many book ideas, and books take years to write! So rest doesn't always sit well with me. I know it's inevitable. My first book was all about understanding human energy and its cycles. Creat

Appreciating Restful Moments

Life still feels fresh and new, as I settle into my new home. Physically, it was an agonising move. I'm still feeling the effects six weeks later. I've had to moderate my energy to a lethargic pace, which isn't easy when I'm excited about a new home and wanting to get everything unboxed and nailed up.  Being high-strung is pretty normal for me, which is why I need dance in my life; but at its extreme, high-strung becomes tendonitis. When it gets bad enough, enough gentle stretching can be aggravating. So for the last week I've been sitting around with a heat pack trying to limit my steps. I went for my first walk in six days today, and my knee was dicey after fifteen minutes. So I'm back in my chair with a heat pack for the rest of the day. This might sound like a delicious Saturday afternoon, but for me it's not easy.  My model of multidimensional consciousness shows us that when basic dimensions of consciousness like the physical and emotional dimensions

My Medicine Box - Finding Resilience in Challenge

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Anyone who read my very first blog post on this site back in 2014, will know that I had some trouble adapting to apartment life. Readers may have wondered whether I would be able to sustain it. Well, I did—for a while. In fact, I lasted seven years—a lot longer than I thought I would.  Seven is a mystical number that expresses the energy of learning through experience. This kind of learning isn't always comfortable, and often involves sacrifice. It took time for me to grow comfortable with the idea of relinquishing the family home, and all the stuff I'd accumulated. I grieved for my big house, even though I knew intuitively that I was moving forward. As I reduced my physical load to a density that my new apartment could hold, my spirit expanded. I felt free enough from domestic distractions to be able to focus on my creative work, and my healing from PTSD; which I felt were inextricably linked.  But when I realised how noisy my new home was, I wondered if I could focus. Relucta

A Hopeful Spring Equinox of Peace and Planning

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The world has grown noisier since Melbourne's long lockdown began. It shouldn't—the roads are generally more quiet. But major railway construction is taking place a few blocks away, diverting traffic up my street; bringing more noise into my world. Another growth opportunity—yay! Sensitivity to noise is one of my more visible anxiety symptoms. It's visible by my posts on social media, by my hands over my ears as loud cars drive by, and by the 'conversations' I've had with my neighbour over their distressed dog. Otherwise, I keep these signs to myself; mostly anyway. Social sensitivity is another. I take on people's stuff too much and allow it to affect my sense of peace. Not as much as I used to—I'm more aware now! But enough that social interactions can sometimes leave me overstimulated or exhausted. So the social isolation of being in lockdown isn't as unpleasant as it could be. And besides—people are pretty passionate at the moment! I'm replen

Majickal Meditation Workshop - Learn 7 Simple Pathways into Meditation

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Majickal Meditation Workshop Chirnside Community Centre 1pm, Monday 26th April, 2021 2-hour workshop, $45. Bookings: 1300 835 235 'Did you know that anyone can meditate? Even if you have a thirty-second attention span. Even if your eyes roll at the thought of sitting for an hour in lotus pose, chanting mysterious words. Even if meditation makes you just want to go to sleep. In fact, you're probably doing it more often than you realise.' -from book, Multidimensional Meditation, by Leanne Margaret Let me show you... Are you too busy to stop and connect to your real needs? Join me, as I guide you through a series of meditations to help bring you home to yourself. You will begin with simple awareness of your body. Then, you will gradually ascend to higher, freer levels of consciousness; step-by-step. These higher levels can assist you with your creative work, as well as helping you to transition into sleep.  Most of all, you will learn how to take some simple mindfulness practi

If You Believe in Someone, Tell Them.

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This post is dedicated to the women who have helped me to step towards my potential. These women believed in me when I was unable to do it for myself. I try to pay it forward to my students and friends.   As I prepare my return to teaching in 2021, I'm pausing to reflect on how I came to step into the role in the first place. I always knew I would be a writer, but my role as teacher was a surprise to me. So how did it happen? Compared to many dancers I was a late bloomer, attending my first dance class at the age of twenty-five. A year or so later my teacher asked me to teach a class of beginner dancers. I was gobsmacked. Why on earth would she pick me to teach? I'd never taught anyone anything.  Although I didn't believe in myself, I did believe in my teacher. It wasn't the first time she had invited me to step out of my comfort zone. Twice each year she would run fabulously staged dance concerts. As well as dancing, I had been invited to read tarot at these concerts.

The Parent Bird Also Flies the Nest

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The empty nest isn't a new thing for me. My daughter's departure from my home was complete six years ago. To be honest, at the time I didn't really suffer it. I was distracted, enjoying the financial advantages of downsizing into a new apartment. Our relationship was enriched by my capacity to go out shopping, to eat at cafes, and even go out dancing. My grown-up daughter and I thoroughly enjoyed exploring the joys of the world together, as adults. I revelled in our relationship, proud when people made a fuss that these two dancing queens were mother and daughter. It seemed like we had found our new normal, and I loved it. Me & her at Xmas Then COVID arrived and we Melbournians were locked up in our homes, unable to travel more than 5kms. This placed a prolonged physical divide between me and my daughter that felt like a hemisphere. To make matters worse, we had been processing some normal mother/daughter conflicts at the time. Conflicts which sank behind the walls of o

Cabin Fever in Melbourne Lockdown

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Sunday night, I sat swearing at the News. I didn't care about Trump. I didn't care about Australian politicians having intimate relationships–seriously, who does? All I wanted to see was news that we Melbournians can be released from our stage four lockdown prisons. When that news didn't arrive my resilience began to plummet. The next day, I was so distracted that I accidentally brushed my teeth with the grout-cleaning toothbrush. Although I went on to have a productive day, anxiety snapped at my heels like a feral dog. I was bitching and moaning about every little thing. It wore me down. By Tuesday, I knew as soon as I opened my eyes that it wasn't going to be a good day. Time slowed down so that one hour felt like four. Everything annoyed me. Activities which I happily enjoyed over the past week suddenly held no interest for me. I didn't want to play piano. I didn't want to go for a walk. I didn't want to do yoga or dance. I didn't even want to heat up

Getting Personal With Life Writing

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If you've read either of my personal development books you'll know there's a story behind them. There's a reason I spent years exploring the human energy field and how it relates to self-care, and recovery from trauma. I needed to do this because I was in the grips of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  It wasn't the first time I had battled the dragon of mental illness. I was twenty-four years old when diagnosed with Post-Natal Depression (PND). My baby and I went off to hospital for several weeks while I learned skills in parenting an infant and setting up good routines. I also began learning about self-care. But there were large gaps in my self-awareness and I was still regularly plagued with flashbacks from earlier experiences in my life. I was so used to them that I was no longer conscious of the effect they were having on me, and my relationships. I was both terrified of people, and of being alone.  By the time I was thirty-eight these unhealed wounds had

Evolving In 13 Ways When You're Home Alone In Lockdown

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So you're stuck at home in isolation, alone, unable to do life as normal, while we cycle through a collective world groundhog day. The COVID epidemic doesn't look as though it will ease this year, at least. So finding ways to amuse ourselves as days string together into months is super important. Grab a cuppa and get ready to change the world, one dimension at a time.  I believe evolution happens at levels beyond the genetic. As we adapt to outside influences we learn, grow and change, evolving toward managing our challenges more effectively. I have discerned various levels of what I call multidimensional consciousness. You can find out what I mean here . But for today's post I'm focussing on how to adapt to 2020 in particular. It begins with basic coping strategies and then steps you up, level by level, toward world healing and even world-building. Each numbered point represents a dimension of consciousness, each level rising toward greater understanding of and partici