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Showing posts with the label PTSD

Memoir, Voice, and Knowing Thyself.

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I must pause a moment, from editing my memoir, to reflect on the art of memoir itself. I'm in the fourth year of active focus on my memoir. But of course, fragments of it have existed for many more years than that. I wrote, had professionally edited, and self-published, my first two books in the space of five years; yet the third book has dawdled. At times, I didn't touch it for months. I wonder why it's dragged its feet so much? When I ponder this question, I find myself looking at the self-reflection aspect of memoir. Not just that; it's the articulation of self into an organised line. For that to occur, a clear concept of self must be attained.  My sense of self was fragmented by trauma; which means that in order to finish the memoir, I needed to heal.  Coupled with that, for eight years, my home life was plagued with triggers that stole countless writing days from me. During this time I was also teaching dance, which – although it funded my writing education – was m

Re-branding my Writerly Life in Hues of Blue

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Life has shifted vibration this year. Most major shifts of my life are marked by a) moving house, and b) the appearance of a new colour on the palette of my home. During my years as a dance teacher, red was the dominant colour in my life. Its energy, vitality and grounding essence infused my life with strength and physical focus.  But the alchemy of time and moving house transformed my spirit, leaving me over-stimulated by my environment. I needed to be infused with finer vibrations. So I subdued the energy of my home by stripping back the colour, eliminating things that shouted too loudly, replacing them with softer hues; accessorising with blues. There are mystical reasons why a writer can benefit from being surrounded by the blue vibration. The human communication centres or throat chakra, known as Dimension Five in my books , resonate at the same frequency as the colour of sky-blue. Our third-eye chakra, known as Dimension Six in my books, resonates with the colour indigo. So vario

Moving Between Ground and Sky.

Eight years ago I started this blog with a post about my introduction to  apartment life . Now I'm standing on the cusp between two lives, as I prepare to move home again in ten day's time. Anyone familiar with my journey will know that living in my current home hasn't been easy. It has however been a succinct teacher, illuminating me to the most difficult aspects of my own nature; parts of me that had disappeared into the background as white noise, barely audible under the cacophony of the external dramas in my life. As the fallout from my second divorce slowly—too slowly—ebbed away, I began to realise that the angry situations invoked by my marriages were just tips of the tongues of angry flames that went way back in time. I was left with myself, intolerant and angry—triggered by the sounds around me.  Although it has been a difficult environment to live in, I feel like I've been through a major period of personal and creative development. When I moved here I was focu

My Medicine Box - Finding Resilience in Challenge

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Anyone who read my very first blog post on this site back in 2014, will know that I had some trouble adapting to apartment life. Readers may have wondered whether I would be able to sustain it. Well, I did—for a while. In fact, I lasted seven years—a lot longer than I thought I would.  Seven is a mystical number that expresses the energy of learning through experience. This kind of learning isn't always comfortable, and often involves sacrifice. It took time for me to grow comfortable with the idea of relinquishing the family home, and all the stuff I'd accumulated. I grieved for my big house, even though I knew intuitively that I was moving forward. As I reduced my physical load to a density that my new apartment could hold, my spirit expanded. I felt free enough from domestic distractions to be able to focus on my creative work, and my healing from PTSD; which I felt were inextricably linked.  But when I realised how noisy my new home was, I wondered if I could focus. Relucta

A Hopeful Spring Equinox of Peace and Planning

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The world has grown noisier since Melbourne's long lockdown began. It shouldn't—the roads are generally more quiet. But major railway construction is taking place a few blocks away, diverting traffic up my street; bringing more noise into my world. Another growth opportunity—yay! Sensitivity to noise is one of my more visible anxiety symptoms. It's visible by my posts on social media, by my hands over my ears as loud cars drive by, and by the 'conversations' I've had with my neighbour over their distressed dog. Otherwise, I keep these signs to myself; mostly anyway. Social sensitivity is another. I take on people's stuff too much and allow it to affect my sense of peace. Not as much as I used to—I'm more aware now! But enough that social interactions can sometimes leave me overstimulated or exhausted. So the social isolation of being in lockdown isn't as unpleasant as it could be. And besides—people are pretty passionate at the moment! I'm replen

7 Ways to Action The Law of Attraction, In Consideration of All

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There's a stereotypical practitioner of the Law of Attraction: hippie types, sitting in lotus pose, visualising their dreams into being. But there's a lot of action in the power of attraction.  First, let's summarise what is meant by the Law of Attraction. You may have read the book or seen the movie The Secret . Although none of the ideas were new, the author of The Secret, Rhonda Byrne, popularised the ideas; so that The Secret became a commonly known piece of work. She taught us that what we think, specifically our beliefs around our own potentials, impact our ability to manifest those potentials. It means that if we think we can't do something, we probably won't be able to do it. It also means that if we can maintain hope and focus, we can create the best chance of bringing our potentials into being. Some of us, including those with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), can find it difficult to maintain a persistent positive attitude. The world is teeming with

Majickal Meditation Workshop - Learn 7 Simple Pathways into Meditation

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Majickal Meditation Workshop Chirnside Community Centre 1pm, Monday 26th April, 2021 2-hour workshop, $45. Bookings: 1300 835 235 'Did you know that anyone can meditate? Even if you have a thirty-second attention span. Even if your eyes roll at the thought of sitting for an hour in lotus pose, chanting mysterious words. Even if meditation makes you just want to go to sleep. In fact, you're probably doing it more often than you realise.' -from book, Multidimensional Meditation, by Leanne Margaret Let me show you... Are you too busy to stop and connect to your real needs? Join me, as I guide you through a series of meditations to help bring you home to yourself. You will begin with simple awareness of your body. Then, you will gradually ascend to higher, freer levels of consciousness; step-by-step. These higher levels can assist you with your creative work, as well as helping you to transition into sleep.  Most of all, you will learn how to take some simple mindfulness practi

The Parent Bird Also Flies the Nest

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The empty nest isn't a new thing for me. My daughter's departure from my home was complete six years ago. To be honest, at the time I didn't really suffer it. I was distracted, enjoying the financial advantages of downsizing into a new apartment. Our relationship was enriched by my capacity to go out shopping, to eat at cafes, and even go out dancing. My grown-up daughter and I thoroughly enjoyed exploring the joys of the world together, as adults. I revelled in our relationship, proud when people made a fuss that these two dancing queens were mother and daughter. It seemed like we had found our new normal, and I loved it. Me & her at Xmas Then COVID arrived and we Melbournians were locked up in our homes, unable to travel more than 5kms. This placed a prolonged physical divide between me and my daughter that felt like a hemisphere. To make matters worse, we had been processing some normal mother/daughter conflicts at the time. Conflicts which sank behind the walls of o

Cabin Fever in Melbourne Lockdown

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Sunday night, I sat swearing at the News. I didn't care about Trump. I didn't care about Australian politicians having intimate relationships–seriously, who does? All I wanted to see was news that we Melbournians can be released from our stage four lockdown prisons. When that news didn't arrive my resilience began to plummet. The next day, I was so distracted that I accidentally brushed my teeth with the grout-cleaning toothbrush. Although I went on to have a productive day, anxiety snapped at my heels like a feral dog. I was bitching and moaning about every little thing. It wore me down. By Tuesday, I knew as soon as I opened my eyes that it wasn't going to be a good day. Time slowed down so that one hour felt like four. Everything annoyed me. Activities which I happily enjoyed over the past week suddenly held no interest for me. I didn't want to play piano. I didn't want to go for a walk. I didn't want to do yoga or dance. I didn't even want to heat up

Getting Personal With Life Writing

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If you've read either of my personal development books you'll know there's a story behind them. There's a reason I spent years exploring the human energy field and how it relates to self-care, and recovery from trauma. I needed to do this because I was in the grips of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).  It wasn't the first time I had battled the dragon of mental illness. I was twenty-four years old when diagnosed with Post-Natal Depression (PND). My baby and I went off to hospital for several weeks while I learned skills in parenting an infant and setting up good routines. I also began learning about self-care. But there were large gaps in my self-awareness and I was still regularly plagued with flashbacks from earlier experiences in my life. I was so used to them that I was no longer conscious of the effect they were having on me, and my relationships. I was both terrified of people, and of being alone.  By the time I was thirty-eight these unhealed wounds had

7 Dos and Don'ts When You're Stressing Out

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Well Cabin Fever is setting in. Not because I'm bored or especially isolated like the elderly, but because life can contain 'issues,' and for the past couple of months several of my panic buttons have been simultaneously pressed. Some, such as job loss, relate to the Carona Virus and its effects, but others are family related. On that level - my isolation is real. So, for my benefit as much as yours, I thought it might be helpful to create a list of dos and don'ts to remember when the shit is at risk of hitting the fan. These tips can help to disperse or re-route intense emotional energy into productive, or at least not destructive, directions. 1. Don't  use social media or mobile phones in a panic. Your response might make perfect sense when you feel stressed, but later when your judgement returns you'll be scrambling to clean up your profile and will possibly be suffering from SMS-guilt. Remember - you can't delete a DM or SMS! Do keep a journal o

Trauma Rescue - What To Do When You're Freaking Out

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  A little over a decade ago I experienced several years of persistent loss and trauma. I was forced to pick up my broken pieces and start all over again. Previously I had been an avid reader, practitioner and even teacher within the positive thinking movement, but it was useless when I found myself in fight/flight mode, my heart racing, my thinking panicked and irrational.  Gradually over years of refinement under continuing stressful conditions, I created a set of tools that addressed not only calming the inner creature in trauma, but also transitioned that frightened creature out of terror and into empowerment.  Personally I have gained more of a sense of control over my life and my personal energy. And we know particularly during this pandemic that control is really just an idea we hold onto so we don’t fall down. But we can move ourselves out of trauma and gain more control over our own consciousness.  So here’s a step-by-step list of how I pull myself together and mak