A Hopeful Spring Equinox of Peace and Planning
Sensitivity to noise is one of my more visible anxiety symptoms. It's visible by my posts on social media, by my hands over my ears as loud cars drive by, and by the 'conversations' I've had with my neighbour over their distressed dog. Otherwise, I keep these signs to myself; mostly anyway.
Social sensitivity is another. I take on people's stuff too much and allow it to affect my sense of peace. Not as much as I used to—I'm more aware now! But enough that social interactions can sometimes leave me overstimulated or exhausted. So the social isolation of being in lockdown isn't as unpleasant as it could be. And besides—people are pretty passionate at the moment! I'm replenishing my energies, and exploring my social persona to ensure I'm not bringing the past into my relationships. This work is just beginning, as my heart grows strong enough to open to others. I have several friends who still like a phone chat, so I call someone almost every day. Hearing their voices lifts my spirits and raises my energy. In the evenings I listen to my favourite writing podcast over dinner. I'm alone, but not lonely. I haven't always been in such a strong position.
But I do miss the fizziness of gathering with friends for dinner and drinks on a Friday night. The old places we were beginning to tire of, now seem shiny and new again. The idea of a chicken parma and a glass of wine at my local gastropub makes my heart quicken! I miss picking an outfit, putting on lipstick that won't get smudged under a mask, and changing my earrings. Even in lockdown, sometimes I do these things anyway for a lift.
Creatively, it has been a productive time on many levels; but not all. The dance is slow to come. Having my brand new belly dance class frozen in time is frustrating. My limbs have felt heavier and my connection to the music has been sporadic. But writing has come more easily. I've finished a second draft of my third book, as well as creating a clear pathway toward its completion. Although it has already taken two years to write, it's a big project with a lot of material to organise; so I'm pleased with my progress. But it's not the only major project 'on the go.' I don't have the kind of brain that can focus on just one thing. So I'm in course creation mode, as well.
Meditation has come back into focus for me, and not just because I've been writing a course about it—it really helps me with the noise! Remembering to stay mindfully in my body as I move around, concentrating my attention on my feet and my breathing, helps me to stay grounded in spite of what I hear around me. I'm far from perfect at managing this issue, but definitely improving. Lockdown is like an episode of depression, imposed from the outside. So I'm acting as though I'm in retreat, and actually making use of my own work. It really does work, when I use it.
So far I've written all of the notes for the 'shiny' new course. I just need to record the videos and upload them, which sounds easy when I say it; but is a big enough task to be worthy of great procrastination. You know how it is when you're about to do something that you just know is going to gulp up massive amounts of time, dominate your mind and conversation, then leave you exhausted. It takes a bit of psyching up; so I'm just waiting for the stars to align in the right place! In other words: I'm waiting for the right mood, coupled with clean hair, and not too much road noise. Lockdown has taught me that I don't need to rush anything. It will get done. It'd be great if I could get my hair done first!
I'm writing this post as a spring newsletter, because Spring equinox is beginning to warm our southern skies. This makes me happy, so happy—I'm a summer baby! And there's hope that we'll be out of lockdown by November; ready for the beach. I love summer more than spring. But spring is a great time to set our intentions for the year. I know what mine are. What are you up to? What's your major W.I.P. I'd love to hear about it in the comments—writers, dancers, and other creatives. If you want to hear more about the new online Majickal Meditation course, or anything else, please sign-up here.
Happy Equinox, whichever one you're in!
Happy Creating X
Leanne Margaret ⓒ 2021